aNaMusLimAh July 25th 1983 (Age 28) Female Ireland Junior surgeon in training , insyaALLAH. khadimul 'ilm, who searches for lights, truth and her Lord Blessings and Guidance.
Am currently counting days nak balik ke Malaysia. huhu. Everything happened so fast that i can barely digest it in my mind.
ALhamduliLLah ireland has treated me nicely in the past 8 years. ingat lagi dulu when i came here, young, naive and stupid. everything was so new. hingus meleleh. life has unfold slowly towards my adulthood. Tarbiyyah dari tuhan, dengan cara tersendiri. Kalau kat malaysia, I took things for granted. nak makan apa, tak fikir. gi kedai. makan. or mak dah masak kat rumah. or lunch dah prepared kat hostel. tapi kat ireland, nak makan lunch esok, malam ni dah fikir. and dinner nnt, pagi-pagi dah fikir nak masak apa. dulu, nak main redah benda tak halal banyak. sekarang ireland has more islamic supplies. so everything, much more easier.
when we first started landed kat eire, monthly allowances was dalam EURO 460 kalau tak silap. that excluded accommodation, sebab masa tu MARA wajibkan first year duduk university hall. so, the first year wasn't too difficult to manage financially. cume concentrate for adapting and membulat-bulatkan mata mencuba memahami orang bercakap dalam local english. the difficult bit, was of course adapting in new place. tapi still, alhamduliLLAH, pada kawan-kawan and seniors Allah turunkan bantuanNya. i cant imagine kalau time tu sorang-sorang. maybe tak survive kot. or maybe survive dengan cara lain, bantuan dengan cara lain. Allahu 'alam.
Then once dah moved out dari hostel, masuk rumah sewa, share dengan the other girls, terus kena fikir pasal splitting the bills, sewa rumah, duit makan, roster bersihkan rumah, jadual masak, hidup muhibbah. That was so amazing. Pengalaman time tu, i really am thankful to Allah sebab bagi peluang hidup dengan kawan-kawan yang saling support each other. ada time nya, masa kat 23 b york road dulu, landlady kitorang ni suka sangat-sangat bayar semua bill sendiri. then 3-4 bulan sekali die hantar bil GAS ( for heating) , ESB (electric) . Air kat ireland free. so cube bayangkan, student yang agak stupid manage financial. tiba-tiba dapat bill untuk bayar EURO 300 cash. walaupun masa tu cash tu ada. that only means yang cash itu sahajalah yang ada untuk sustain life for the next few weeks until allowance masuk. Nak mintak parents masukkan duit, sangatlah kasihan. kalau masuk RM 100, time tu baru dapat EURO 20, tak termasuk handling fees. And time tu, arwah papa was a taxi driver, mak tak kerja. Bila dah kuar dari hall allowance is about EURO 516 masa tu.
Allowance - EURO 516 Sewa rumah - EURO 300 Makan - maybe EURO 50 Duit yuran kelab - EURO 20 per club. Utilities bill - EURO 70 Phone/internet - varies - may vary up to EURO 100 - time tu takde broadband kat ireland, so dial up. the longer it takes to load, the longer your bills runs and the higher the bill is. So allowance dengan expenses memang break-even masa tu. tak pun over expenses, minus allowance. kalau perasan, budget tu tak termasuk langsung bus fare. bus was a luxury gak dulu kalau naik. most of the time jalan kaki for about 5-8 km per day(ulang alik.)And as for myself, i cycled. Naik basikal senior yang dah balik malaysia. Ada kakak tu tinggalkan beskal dia, so diturunkan kepada myself. hehe. I will talk about cycling in Ireland next time kot. :P
But still semua tu alhamduliLLah. kitorang buat income masa tu, jual nasik kerabu. jual kuih karipap. kuih ketayap. nasi goreng. kuih raya - almond london, mini popia. time tu mmg gembira sangat generate extra income untuk sustain life. hehe. and tido dalam lecture. kerana penat berjaga malam membuat kuih.
.....
penat la tulis pasal kenangan ni. mengalir air mate. dublin, i will miss you badly! kyaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
This is my seventh year having ramadhan here, in Ireland. If seven years ago, ramadhan was in winter i.e fast from around 06:30 until around 16:30. which was very short.very.
Ingat lagi time mula-mula masuk univ dulu, mesti ada bekal at least gula-gula dalam pocket, because buka puasa time lecture tengah berjalan. or even, worse come to worse, buka puasa time tengah dissect cadaver ( bedah mayat). Sounds sedih. and sayu. Ah but, what the heck. Tak kisah sangat time tu, sebab kawan-kawan ramai. So, we're in it together. Lepas kuliah masing-masing berterabur lari pergi ke masjid untuk menikmati nasi beriyani ayam tandoori Pakcik usop (uncle Yusof), kat Masjid Dublin.
Pakcik usop ni, nama kitorang budak-budak melayu panggil. Dia orang arab sebenarnya, tokey kedai makan kat Dublin Mosque. So time-time puasa, iftar dia yang masak. Sedapnya, SubhanALLAH. makan sedulang dalam 4-5 orang. semua tekun jer tunduk makan, angkat kepala untuk tarik nafas jer. hehe. nikmat. apatah lagi kalau free.
Sekarang pulak, seven years after that, puasa time summer. so panjangnya, panjang la. very. from around 0400 to around 2100. ni untunng sebab dah separuh ramadhan. makin pendek. kalau puasa dalam bulan May or June.. alamatnya dari pukul 0300 till 2200. ( itu akan dilalui jika panjang umur ini,or masih lagi berada di ireland and liat liat nak balik next year. insyaALLAH).
Again, the long fasting time, bila dah biasa doesnt really feel too bad. By the third or fourth day, dah tak rasa sangat nak makan beriya. Buka puasa dengan maggi goreng dah rasa ok. sahur dengan cereal and susu dah cukup bagus. or kadang-kadang rasa teringin nak minum air kelapa, gi la kedai asian food beli air kelapa tua dalam tin. and again, seven years ago, things are done with friends. sekarang ni bila dah kerja, duk jauh dari manusia, buka sorang-sorang and hirup air kelapa tua dalam tin sambil tengok tv. Kira Ok la. masih ada rezeki dan kegembiraan berbuka buat orang yang berpuasa. ( mak dengaq ni sayu jer.. ahaks.. mak rilek mak, orang boleh survive lagi (^__^) )
Time summer ni, buka puasa dah lewat malam. By the time nak iftar, mata dah mengantuk. makan sikit, solat maghrib then dah rasa macam nak tido. nak tunggu isya which is around 11:00 malam dah rasa liat. terawikh apatah lagi. huhu. time time summer ni, ibadah adalah satu yang sangat tinggi ujiannya. then nak kalut-kalut bangun qiam itu satu ujian yang agak berat especially pada siapa yang tak biasa or in other word, orang yang cintakan tidurnya, macam yang tukang type ni. haishh... sahur nak kena kejar pukul 3:00 pagi. so , kalau bangun awal, takde la qiam pun. dah subuh. so lepas subuh la kalau nak mengaji ke apa ker.
Tapi, saying all that. nampak sangat iman ku ni nipis bebenar. faktor masa di jadikan alasan untuk beramal ibadah. ada je orang yang sanggup qiam-allail lagi di kala-kala masa suntuk ni. ada jer orang mampu buat ibadah berganda-ganda. hakikatnya, alasan itu buat orang yang malas. macam aku. dush dush. dah patut kena sebat dah camni.
Haisyh. Mana nak carik kekuatan ni. Iman, tolong datang pada hati ni. Please.
back again, here. writing things that are a bit unusual to my boring, mundane life.earlier this month, few of my friends and I tried this new andventurous thing called windsurfing. Not that we are an expert in andventurous thing. but just to make life a bit easier than to face it monotonously.
So, kitorang pun pi la redah beach kat Dunmore East, County Waterford, on one fine Saturday morning. The view was nice. The weather was so-so. and lucky enough, being in Ireland, we are not struck by heavy-continuous rain on that day. AlhamduliLLAh. The wind wasn't that strong either, making things easier for us, the amateur windsurfers.
Our private instructor, Dillon a fine chap from South Africa was demonstrating in the beginning and guiding us throughout the activity. Looking at him embracing the wind so easily, made me think, "tak la susah sangat kan benda ni". So, I was a bit carried away. And thought that it would be easier for me to surf gracefully as well.
Hehe. obviously la kan, things bounced back. Especially when you're over-confident with things you're not used to. Dush. Jatuh ke dalam air dalam. With my contact lenses, air masin are not of any help. Pedih woo mate. lame sudah tak kena air masin kat mata. Anyway, I perservere, try to climb up the board again. payah gak la nak melawan graviti and tarikan air laut (if that thing even exist), to climb up the board again.
Anyway, after all the hardship and self-inflicting torment and torture, all three of us berjaya gak la sikit-sikit to embrace the wind. Payah. And at one stage, I was sitting on the board,with the aim in my mind, "My only aim is not to fall again,"..
But afterall, even with post-windsurfing sakit badan, segala muscles, and lebam birat, it was worth it. I got away with things that I cant seem to forget. I got away with stresses that I seem not to be able to cope with at times. It got my mind away. In the end, all is good.
Sebahagian darinya kerana aku takut. takut dengan ingatan dari As-saff;
Amat besar kebenciannya di sisi Allah - kamu memperkatakan sesuatu yang kamu tidak melakukannya. (As-saff :3)
Dahulunya, blog ini jadi tempat for me to remind myself and share it with others. But as times goes by, I don't even know if I'm reminding myself anymore or things just happened to be in an autopilot mode. Tanpa kekhusyukan, tanpa penghayatan.
And being hit by that reality, aku jadi takut untuk terus menulis. Damn. I'm too absorbed by the deceitful delusion of the world. Too busy to find time for myself. Too busy to find time to remind myself, betapa kecilnya aku ni dan betapa aku perlukan Allah. Amat.
Its true. So true. Kambing yang seekor mudah dilapah serigala. Kambing yang seekor mudah sesat. Alangkah selamatnya kambing yang berkumpulan, dan dipandu si pengembala.
Hari ini, tiba-tiba hati ini terasa rindu. Rindu pada Allah. Rindu pada kekasih. Rindu yang amat. Bagai anak kecil rindu pada pelukan ibunya. Bagai perantau yang rindukan kebeningan kampung halaman.
Oh Tuhan. basahkan hati ini sentiasa dengan kerinduan padaMu. Yang sentiasa ingat dan menyebut keagunganMu.
Aku yang sering lupa. Sering terlupa. Sering dilupakan dunia. Tuhan, beri aku kekuatan, dan ingatkan aku pabila lupa.
lama tak berbakti meninggalkan bekas pada blog ni.
hari ini rasa seperti mahu menulis pula.
melihat dari jendela bilik , salji putih turun menderu-deru. dingin
beku.
setelah enam tahun di bumi ireland ni, tahun ini merupakan tahun kedua salji turun tak henti-henti di musim sejuk. tahun lepas kali pertama.
dan alangkah, orang-orang irish pun merasa takjub, kerana sepanjang hidup mereka di bumi ireland ni, inilah salji paling lebat dan lama yang pernah menyinggah di sini.
Allahu akbar.
Adalah mudah bagi Allah menurunkan salji.
Mudah jua bagi Allah untuk menghentikannya.
Dan kita, manusia tak henti-henti mengeluh.
Panas, dikeluhkan.
Sejuk dikeluhkan jua.
Tuhan, beriku kekuatan dan ingatkan daku untuk sentiasa bersyukur.
tahun baru ni, ku ditempatkan di Sligo, lebih kurang 290 km dari Dublin.
Terasing di sini. Andai di Dublin, Limerick dan Galway ramai komuniti dari Malaysia yang sama-sama berkongsi hidup merantau. Di sini, hanya tiga orang melayu kutemui setakat ini.
It's been quite a while since i dedicate and pour my thought into thinking serious things. I may outline tonnes of excuses to this mere neglect and ignorance, but i couldn't care less. People have their own problem to tend to.
Before my main topic get swayed by my not-so-fully-aware-postcall-mind, I'll get straight into the point.
I suddenly feel like discussing this issue in my blog. Probably taken aback from the recent heated discussion in local Malaysian Newspaper about the Kerajaan Perpaduan.
I told myself,"This kind of tribulation ought to find it's way, sooner or later". And the not-so-helpful media make the issue seems a bit too sour for a main course.
We were thought about Arkanul Baiah from Imam Hassan al-Banna, since we were young. Those 20 main highlights are still fresh in my mind, eventhough sometimes I do forgot, and sometimes I just can't comprehend. But in the end of the day, those pillars are good guidelines for Islamic organisation I suppose.
No:6 - Taat
Being obedience first to Allah and RasuluLLah, then to your leader whether you like it or not, (as sometimes the things that you dislikes are good for you).
This main pillar is not only to ensure that there is unity in Islam and in Islamic organisation, it also prevents the enemy from shattering us to little pieces.
There are few example of disobedience to leaders that I would like to highlight:
1. I believe we all know, there was once when Thalut's forces set off leaving their territory to face a war with their enemy.
After travelling for quite some distances, Thalut called out to his forces, "Verily, Allah will test you at the stream: if any drinks of its water, He goes not with my army: Only those who taste not of it go with me: A mere sip out of the hand is excused." Thalut said loudly like what have been recounted in the Qur'an in surah Al-Baqarah, verse 249.
Not long afterwards, the expedition stumbled upon a river. Naturally Thalut's party was in thirst.Some of the members of the expedition who did not have strong fighting spirits, drank the water from the river until they had got rid of their thirsts
~medically speaking, I believe that Thalut has foreseen the weakness that may fall upon his men if they drank too much water in their current condition : thirsty and in the hot desert. Electrolyte imbalances,haemodynamic instability and physiologic disturbances, all may contribute to weakness and failure, both literally to the body and to the war itself. However, as part of the army decided to disobey, this foreseen event obviously befall upon them.~
2. The defeat and reflections from War of Hunain, during Prophet Muhammad time.
3. Closer to our own decade, is when Imam Hassan al-banna ordered his men to shave their beard and moustache. Some of them decided to disobey and keep their beard and moustache, as they said ; Imam Hassan al-Banna has lost his mind and willing to give orders against the sunnah. Eventhough, in reality, he was trying to protect his men from being recognized by the local authorities.
Unfortunate enough, that the men didn't see through their leader's order. And they got caught by the local authorities, and hence being sent to the underground cell in Egypt for being a member of ikhwanul muslimin.
Plenty other examples of disobedience to Ulil Amri happened in the past, and I truly believe that these examples are outlined to us as a reminder.
Thus, in the current issue of Kerajaan Perpaduan, we should clarify the stand of our leaders and take into consideration in regards to how what and why certain decisions are made by them. COnflicts won't add much to our streght, and would just benefit the enemy.
And my ultimate point is :: ~really hope that Tn Guru and Ustaz Nasha ( and supporter of these two opinions) finds the mutual understanding soon. Conflicting opinions won't harm, it will increase our maturity and dexterity!Given that proper discussion to clear the misuderstanding is en route. Yosh!!Stay Positive! (I would like to think so)~
AlhamduliLLAh, summer is here again! We've got to enjoy the bright sunlight once again, and a bit of heat won't harm.
Nevertheless, while the irish and caucasians are enjoying sunbathing, we, the Malaysian would walk under an umberella, or having a picnic under the shades. Hehe, so much for being typical.
One thing about summer is, the daytime would lenghten.. for example at the moment, the Subh prayer is at 2.50a.m, sun rise at 5.30a.m.. then the maghrib prayer is not until 10.00 p.m. Orang kate, kalau puasa, parah la sikit. But then again, alah bisa tegal binasa.(or something like that).
So much for enjoying the summer, I was post-call on last Tuesday, ( for those who doesn't understand, postcall on Tuesday simply means that you came to work on Monday either at 9.00 or 7.00 a.m depending on your specialty, then work work work work overnight, then work work work on Tuesday, and only go home around 5 or 6.00 p.m on Tuesday). So, again, I was postcall on Tuesday, went back home, making up some dinner and went to my room while waiting for the dinner to be readily edible.
As far as I remember, I only went to my room, roaming around and sit on the bed. And the next thing I remember was waking up at 9.30. The sun was shining brightly through the little opening in between the curtain in my room.
Gelabah.
Few things flew trough my mind.
AstagfirulLLah. Aku tak solat maghrib and isya' ke semalam. Let alone..Subuh pun dah terlepas lah macam ni. And another thing was.. OMG! I'm dead. Tentu-tentu kene marah sebab pergi kerja lambat. huhu. dahla Limerick ni tempat puaka.Pantang orang buat salah..huhu..
Without thinking much, I grab my handphone. Ingatkan nak call Sinead, my SHO. Just to tell her that I'm going to be late.
Phew.. fortunately, terpandang jam kat laptop. It's 9.32 PM!!
Kyaaa!!! Nasib baik tak call Sinead. haha. kalau tak tentu ku malu besok hari.
Dan ku pun bersyukur banyak-banyak sebab eventhough that little panic moment, I did not miss much.
Patutlah orang kate jangan tidor lepas asar. Nak masuk maghrib.
Otak jadik weng.
And the bright sunlight menambahkan lagi disorientation ku. haha.
Kalau buat Mini Mental State Examination masa tu, mesti confirm aku dapat jawapan macam makcik delirious!
haha.
That's it.
Again, today, I'm postcall.
Hopefully tak disorientated lagi.
haha.
Moga Allah tak tarik nikmat akal yang waras dariku dan dari kalian. Ameen.
Fasyiezha Asyrien Abdul HamidI was bleep at 4 in the morning to review this patient with “Jerking Episode, lasting for half a minute, query seizure”. i asked the nurse, was it witnessed? And they said no. They only know it happening because they heard the bed rocking from the nurses’ station. Then I came, reviewed the patient, and guess what! The patient torted ,” I was having a DREAM!” OMG!! Am i a dream doctor now??
wahid: haha.. tak kuase aku. aku tak jumpe nice words untuk diisik ke form tersebut. atau patutkah ku cadangkan training semula? haha.
ezzah : welcome to world of internship. haha..
zai n aimy: haha, hati-hati sket. ada jururawat kat fb aku ni. haha… Read More
jia: awak selamat sebab jururawat ni tentu2 tak leh nak serang awak. haha.
najmi: well, sebab salah satu syarat jadik doktor is apparently having an altruistic trait of being patience beyond the reach of human nature.and, welcome to our club!
and not to forget, ye ezzah.. antara request2 oncall yang lainnya berbunyik ,
” doktor2, heater kat ward ni tak berfungsi,”,
“doktor, pacemaker patient ni yang baru masuk pagi tadi tak picking up signal (pabila patient itu asymptomatic dan gembira).” ( dan ku pun bercita-cita untuk jawab, yes alert the emergency theatre and call the cardiothoracic consultant because I’M GOING TO FIX IT NOW. STAT! “)… Read More
” Doktor, sila review patient ni dan increase lasix, sebab die breathless.” ( dan patient itu dalam proses of dying, with chyene-stokes respiration and pupil not reactive to light) ~ rase cam nak nyanyi lagu evanescence: bring me to life…
So, FYI, di malam hari, intern adalah super doctor yang boleh solve semua problem yang apparently consultant tak selesaikan siang hari yer.
ezzah : welcome to world of internship. haha..
zai n aimy: haha, hati-hati sket. ada jururawat kat fb aku ni. haha… Read More
jia: awak selamat sebab jururawat ni tentu2 tak leh nak serang awak. haha.
najmi: well, sebab salah satu syarat jadik doktor is apparently having an altruistic trait of being patience beyond the reach of human nature.and, welcome to our club!
” doktor2, heater kat ward ni tak berfungsi,”,
“doktor, pacemaker patient ni yang baru masuk pagi tadi tak picking up signal (pabila patient itu asymptomatic dan gembira).” ( dan ku pun bercita-cita untuk jawab, yes alert the emergency theatre and call the cardiothoracic consultant because I’M GOING TO FIX IT NOW. STAT! “)… Read More
” Doktor, sila review patient ni dan increase lasix, sebab die breathless.” ( dan patient itu dalam proses of dying, with chyene-stokes respiration and pupil not reactive to light)
~ rase cam nak nyanyi lagu evanescence: bring me to life…
So, FYI, di malam hari, intern adalah super doctor yang boleh solve semua problem yang apparently consultant tak selesaikan siang hari yer.
Selamat datang ke alam serba boleh! haha